Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Make or Break

 
How do you feel in the aftermath of a fight or a tiff off with your spouse/partner? Are you able to go about your life as if nothing happened? Personally I feel as if something heavy is placed on my heart and the sun is not shining upon me anymore. May be you feel the same way too. Then how do you go on when the one thing you do consistently in your love life is fight?

When we are not at peace or happy in our personal relationships, we cannot do anything right. We cannot concentrate on any tasks at hand or carry out our duties/responsibilities properly. When our relationships are gloomy, everything around us become gloomy. And it applies to both partners, irrespective of their gender. 

Your partner is not a perfect person. But again nobody is perfect. So neither are you. But together you two can be perfect. When you accept a person in your life, you need to do that with all his/her imperfections and misgivings. 

We all commit mistakes in our lives. But we cannot hold grudges against each other for things we said or did in the past. Forgive and move on, that's the mantra. Else, you will only destroy yourselves and the people around you. It is hard to forgive, but it's much more harder to admit when we are wrong ourselves. But it is only wise to apologize and move on. Like love, forgiveness is also a two-way street. And open communication is the path. 
 
They say a woman can either make a home or break one. Yes, it is true. But step one is that a woman can either make her man or break him. Being a woman is not easy. And when it comes to being the woman in your man's life, it ​is not a piece of cake. Girlfriends and wives widely have the reputation of being naggers and destroyers of peace in their man's life, someone who enjoys wasting their man's hard earned money. We are the butt of all popular jokes in the market. Laugh they all may, but we play a life-changing role in our man's life.
 
Men may be strong physically; but emotionally, they are weak. And that's where we come in. We are the backbone o​f our man's life. Even though most of them will never admit it. They say that behind every successful man, there is a woman. True again. But other than professional, financial or social success, that success can very well be in the form of happiness, peace of mind and emotional stability as well. And when a man is emotionally stable, happy and at peace, he is all set to achieve anything he wants. 

I feel that being an woman is a process of continuous evolution. Becoming a wife from a girlfriend is the ultimate commitment. You become the better half of your man. And to truly become the better half, you have to first become a better person yourself.

Ladies, you have a much bigger role to play in the circle of life than you can ever imagine. It is you who has the true power to mold and nurture the family. You are the beginning of change because you set examples for the youngest generation. You can set the course of your personal life as well as the family at large in the direction you want. Mrs. Portokalos in the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" rightly says that if the husband is called the head of the family, then the wife is the neck, and the head cannot move without the neck's cooperation!

A healthy marital partnership starts with being the solid shoulder of your husband in all spheres of life. You have to pick him up when he falls, correct him when he errs, be his honest critic and his north star. You are the one who can bring out the best as well the worst in him. You can be the rock which either  anchors him or shatters him. So, you will have to decide, whether you want to make your man or break him.

In the modern world of "feminism", I might be sounding like old school! I am not asking to you take shit. But we do not have the right to give shit either. After all, true feminism is about equality, isn't it? And no matter in which age we might live in, the ingredients of a healthy relationship are very much still the same.


More on nurturing a healthy relationship in "The Thing Called Love" .

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

The Bridal Camaraderie


A couple of months back, both SloMo and GB got married. It was a joint wedding and the whole month of October passed by in a hectic daze. GB moved away with Mom and Dad to pursue a career opportunity and his wife is likely to join him soon there. Mrs. SloMo moved in with us, maintaining our full house status. And I got a double promotion and became the eldest daughter-in-law among three.

Mrs. SloMo is kind of between jobs now and is mostly home. She spends her time doing her own personal tasks as well as the tedious household chores. She cooks a variety of dishes for all of us and keeps the laundry basket empty. She cleans things and coaxes the maid to clean hard-to-reach corners. Recently, she got some seasonal plants for the balcony. She tries to keep the house in order. Sigh, my heart goes out to her. She is acting exactly the same way I did when I moved into the house after I getting married. Yeah, been there, done that. But she does not know what I know, that one day she will tire out of putting in extra efforts and do only what is necessary. With so many people in the house, it is just next to impossible to have it the way you want.

Seeing my sister-in-law, I see myself four years back. As the newly appointed warden of the madhouse, I was determined to tame the characteristic males to help around the house. I determined to keep the house tidy an organized as I have seen my mother and grandmother doing. With plants, I wanted a bit of home with me. With her around the house, I get really nostalgic. I feel as if I have started to share a bit of camaraderie  with her. I share house management tips with her, my experiences and show her pictures of the flowers that bloomed in the same balcony. I understand the things that she must be going through I did as a new entrant in the house.

And  it suddenly struck me. There is a pattern to how every newly wedded girl behaves. We try to add positive enhancements to the place we live in. We want to bring in all the good things we have known and seen in running the house. We want to be appreciated for our efforts. We feel disconnected yet connected. We want be accepted. We look for our husbands' support all the time. We want to be praised. We want to be paid attention. We want to have our own corner. We want to have everything in order. We want to build an ideal home.We think we can be a superwoman!

Yeah, new brides do share a camaraderie.

By the way, Mrs. SloMo is not SloMo at all.

Thursday, December 8, 2016

The CJ


When I am traveling, even when we are commuting within the city, music is an essential. Over time, when I have traveled either with friends or family, the task of carrying a playlist has often fell on me. And I am quite particular about the playlists. Not to boast, but my co-travelers have mostly enjoyed and appreciated my playlists.

With time, controlling the playlist in the car has become a part of my slight OCD condition (which I think I suffer from!). I feel anxious when I am not in charge of the car music and become irritated when someone changes the ongoing track (especially if I like that track) or play their own collection. In fact, my mood has been spoiled on many occasions because of such instances. Yeah, I know I am sounding like a crazy lady here. But that's the truth.

By the way, I call myself the CJ. Yeah, Car Jockey! Inspired by DJ and RJ of course.

Our car music system doesn't have a remote control. Worse, the controls for the media player are on the steering wheel. When Az is driving, I mostly sit in the front passenger seat (my favourite seat by the way). But sometimes due to various reasons (like older co-passengers or to adjust more people), I take the seat behind the driver's seat. Yeah, even my car seats are fixed and I am uncomfortable in the other seats. Anyways, when Az is driving, I simply ask him to move on to the next track, whenever necessary. But sometimes, there are certain people accompanying us, that too sitting on the front passenger seat, who keep on asking Az to change the track. Really enough to set me off.

When I am traveling in someone else's car and the music is on, I keep calm. And while in cab, I simply put on my earphones and enjoy.

Fortunately, my parents' car's music system has a remote. Last year, when we visited them, I had to occupy the last row seat during a trip. But with the remote, I could easily do my job. When we returned back to Delhi, I realized that I had carried back the remote in my bag. See, that's how seriously I take my job of being the CJ. So please, don't mess with my music.

NB: Actual meaning of Car Jockey.
Car jockeys are people in Indonesia who solicit by the side of the road a random commuter who does not have enough passengers to legally use a carpool lane. The jockey offers to go along with the commuter for a fixed price. This is a way to bypass carpool restrictions requiring a certain number of passengers.

In the United States, a car jockey is also known as a parking lot attendant and is responsible for parking vehicles or issuing tickets in a parking lot or garage.